What if I Wanted to Break?
by pottergeek100
Summary: My view on what Regulus could have been thinking before his death. Which surprisingly enough means CHARACTER DEATH! Don't like don't read. Although the title comes from 30 Seconds To Mars' "The Kill" this is NOT a songfic.


_**AN: I wasn't planning on writing again this soon, but the plot bunny won't stoop bouncing around my living room until I write this down. Anyway I have decided to try and write something from the perspective of Regulus as it seems like fun. Inspiration and title come from 30 Seconds To Mars' "The Kill", but is not a songfic. So enjoy...**_

_**Disclaimer: I don't own the rights to Harry Potter; however I do own a Gryffindor scarf!**_

Regulus Black looked around his house, or rather his parents' house and tried to restrain the tears that threatened to fall down his cheeks. He knew that what he was going to do was a death sentence, but he also knew that he had no choice. The Dark Lord was insane, he knew that now and he regretted joining him. Instead of them being a group to shut out muggle influences from the wizarding world, they had escalated into attacking anybody who was not the Dark Lord's idea of pure. If he could he would simply take back his word, would remove His Mark from his skin.

Unfortunately if he tried to leave the Dark Lord, he knew that he would be murdered. Nobody on the Light Side would try to protect him because of his family, except maybe Sirius. However he couldn't do that to him, if Sirius defended him, Regulus knew that doubt would be put on Sirius, after all, why trust a Black? At least this way he'd be passing on his own terms, in the way he chose to go, head held high and fighting all the way.

Before he died for betrayal, he was going to make sure that the Dark Lord was weakened, for Sirius' sake, as well as the fact that he wanted the Dark Lord to curse his memory once he was gone. So he went up to Kreacher's cupboard, as he was the only way to get him to the cave. The elf looked up at him with reverence in his eyes, and he interrupted him before he could start groveling "Kreacher I need you to take me back to the cave, right now." As he said this he couldn't stop himself from fiddling with the locket in his pocket, and smile as he remembered the note inside it.

Kreacher immediately grabbed hold of the bottom of his robes and disapparated out of the house. They arrived at the entrance to the cave and he followed Kreacher as the house elf led the way to the locket in complete silence. Regulus was mentally saying goodbye to everybody he wouldn't have the chance to, and wishing that somebody would know what he was going to do besides Kreacher, wishing that his brother and cousin would then be proud of him, as he finally did the right thing.

When they finally reached the little island, Regulus turned to the house elf and said "As soon as I have drank the potion I want you to switch the lockets, and then you are to go home without me. You are not to tell anybody of what happens here today, not even the rest of the family understood?" Regulus placed the locket into the small elf's hands, as Kreacher nodded, his large eyes filled with tears. With the elf's silence assured he went over to the real locket, the Horcrux, and looked into the potion. He closed his eyes and gathered his courage before drinking the first part of the potion.

He was in agony, the potion was burning his insides, it seemed to be devouring him in flames, but that was only secondary pain. The potion made him relive his worst memories, him fighting with his brother, Sirius leaving, the death of his father, and then came the latest memories. He saw the muggles that he had been forced to torture, saw the pain and agony they were in, heard their screams of torment and saw the pleading in their eyes. They had begged him for mercy, begged him to let them go and then saw their hearts break as they realized that he couldn't, even if he wanted to.

Despite the mental and physical pain that he was going through he somehow managed to finish drinking the potion, although his body was convulsing with sobs as he did so. He barely managed to keep his arm steady as he poured the replacement potion into the container after Kreacher switched the lockets. With his final mission completed he turned to his elf and said his final last words "Destroy it, Kreacher, destroy the locket!"

He then gave into his deadly thirst for water and put his hands into the water surrounding the island, knowing what was going to happen next. Regulus watched as the inferi dragged their corpses out of the water and pulled him down under. At this point Regulus had accepted his death, so instead of trying to escape their hold he merely breathed in the water, wanting it to end as quickly as possible. Regulus' life had broken apart, now he just had to wait for his body to do the same, and he so badly wanted it to.

As he felt life slip away from him it would be fair to say that Regulus Black had many regrets, and that his life had not left him content that his life had been lived to the full. It had not, but he did not regret his actions on his last day on Earth, and perhaps it was the only day that he didn't regret. His last wish was that one day somebody would look back on his life and think of him as a good man, as more than just a Black.

_**AN: Well that was the first character death I've actually done, so I hope I have done it justice. I have always pitied Regulus and I think it shows just a little bit... That's all I have to say so...**_

_**Peace, Love and Chocolate Frogs.**_

_**Pottergeek100.**_


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